Dieting the macho way: Hasi l-forn bil-lumi
In a man’s world, ‘dieting’ is when you intend losing weight and ‘watching what you eat’ is when you want to stop feeling guilty about your weight. David Darmanin of Taverna Sugu expands.
Information
| Main Ingredient | Capon |
| Preparation Time | 30 minutes |
| Cooking Time | 90 minutes |
| Course | Main: Meat |
| Recipe Serves | 6 |
| Recipe Type | Traditional: Maltese |
The season usually ends with tons of paperwork, an Excel sheet, high-level anxiety and constant deliberation on whether you can actually afford a short shut-down period, let alone a dirty weekend in Gozo.
In my books, a busy dining room is only the starting point to a proper sense of accomplishment. I will feel fully accomplished when I plant my metaphorical tree, write my metaphorical book and have my metaphorical child. Talking of the latter, I had a real child eleven years ago, whom I shall refer to as ‘Mattia’, which is actually his real name.
In an attempt to keep my festive crisis at bay, I decided to open Sugu exclusively to members of the Darmanin clan on Christmas Day. This actually meant more work, due to the propensity for scoffing copious amounts of good nosh other members of my immediate family share with me. But it also meant that I could do a Grabiel or two (and worse) without seeming rude: sit at table with my ‘patrons’ and comfortably sip away from my father’s wine glass on my way up to plate the starters. It also meant that I could sit next to Mattia, eat capon with him and harp on about the historical relevance of the dish. For everything else there’s Master Card.
“What is the difference between capon and chicken?” he asks.
“Matt, it’s basically a cock without the eggs,” I quip with a very flawed certainty that an eleven year old would not get the double entendre.
His comeback: “Right, so you’re serving cock that lost its virginity to a knife.”
He now refers to capon as testicular chicken.
I’m so proud of him.
Capon was traditionally consumed by Maltese families on Christmas Day prior to post 1920s British influence. The castrated rooster was generally homegrown and fattened for Christmas Day. The skinned animal could weigh as much as 3Kg.
We go for the foreign stuff nowadays. Stuffed Turkey is now Christmas staple, ma nafx jien.
But enough about Christmas. Let’s talk about post-festive blues.
Macho thoughts… Christmas indulgence lasted till mid-January. You’ve pigged out to kingdom come. You now refer to yourself as ‘fatso’ when talking to the mirror and your jeans don’t fit anymore. To quote our good-old Stephen King: “They’re all gonna laugh at you”. You firmly believe that dieting is gay, and you’re not sure about the idea of coming out as yet. It’s Tuesday night and you walk down to the pub. It’s boys’ night as usual and everyone dreams of getting laid, one day. Into the fifth pint you put on your deepest possible voice and (at the peril of being spat on) pluck up the courage to say it: “Girls (macho way of referring to guy-friends), we should start watching what we eat.”
Those who disagree are apathetic, those who agree respond with a tired nod. You order another round of pints to celebrate and invite the posse over to capon this Sunday.
The only voice of sobriety in the house is the barman’s, and that’s only because he’s been practicing a deceiving sober look throughout his 30 years of marriage. “Capon?”, he soberly asks. “Didn’t you just say that you need to start watching what you eat?”
“Yeah, that was code for ‘we should stop drinking beer’.”
Watching what you eat, as opposed to dieting, is fun. Now capon, being nothing like the (in)famous miracle soup, may not help much if you want to lose those unwanted 30Kg in 30 days. But making a conscious decision to go for a lean white meat will at least make you feel less guilty about your self-destructive dietary habits. And you’re going back to Christmas at the same time. It’s a win-win. No?
What you need:
1.8Kg-2Kg capon
Fresh rosemary, finely chopped
Fresh thyme, finely chopped
Fresh sage , finely chopped
Lemon rind
Coarse sea salt
Ground black pepper, coarsely ground
1 whole lemon
How to do it:
Combine the herbs and lemon rind with salt and pepper.
Using a boning knife, cut tiny slits between the skin and flesh of the bird at its extremities: on the left and right hand side of the top of the breast; the left and right hand side of the top of the back and equally on the lower sides. Gently insert your fingers between the skin and flesh and rub with herbs, rind, salt and pepper evenly, including the thighs and wings. Use any remaining seasoning to rub the inside of the bird.
Spread out the capon’s legs and press hard to flatten.
Use the largest pan you have in the kitchen to brown in hot olive oil.
For better results when browning, cover two heavy bricks with foil, place them on a dish and balance it on top of the capon so as to apply pressure as it fries. If this proves dangerous, skip the process.
Stuff a whole lemon in the inside of the capon and bake at 160 degrees Celsius for an hour under a lid or foil. Uncover, crank up the heat to 180 degrees and bake for an additional half an hour. Remember that cooking time for poultry is of about 20 minutes per 500g at 160 degrees Celsius in a convection oven and 180 degrees Celsius in a home oven.
Allow to rest before serving.
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