Since joining the EU our national mentality has made some progress.

Bar that iblah who goes by the name of Frodo-John Manche`, we seem to be less prejudiced against gays; we are better-travelled; more knowledgeable on food and we may be more inclined to celebrate all that makes Malta beautiful: the past.

I recently read this thought as a status update on FB: “Malta? We were building temples while you were still swinging in the trees... and we're binding beaten women to their doting husbands while you were getting married for the fourth time. That's us baby... progress - the other way.”

I had decided not to pronounce myself publicly on divorce. Firstly because I have learnt that any obstinate political attitudes will take a toll on business in this country (so much for progress); and secondly due to the fact that I am far too embarrassed of living in a country that is discussing the issue 40 years too late, so I try not to think about it.

I am far too anxious on the matter not to explode. I can almost live with the idea of inhabiting a conservative island whose government takes oppressive stances in the name of faux-Christian values that negate important civic rights such as remarriage, freedom of expression and humane treatment to asylum seekers. What I find insufferable is the prospect of a nation saying no to a slight, very belated move forward. MaltaToday polls reveal a more depressive reality. Labourites will vote for and nationalists against.

I shan’t go as far as asking whether this country deserves a democracy, but I find that at times us Maltese can behave like rock-hard dicks, which makes us look like a bunch of degenerates. And maybe we are.

A negative outcome on 28 May will present me and some others with two options: stay put in a country that is still stuck in 1528 and keep our mouths shut in fear of the inquisition, or move on to greener pastures seeking asylum in some country whose people will either look at us in pity or ridicule once where we hail from is disclosed. Misurata or Benghazi will have to bloody do at this point.

But enough melodrama. Time for a recipe befitting the subject of progress in Malta: snails.

I have been given this recipe by my friend Jana’s mum, who coincidentally is the namesake of planetmona’s editor-in-chief. I don’t think I can disclose ed’s full name and surname. All I can say is that Jana’s surname is not Planet… (5 seconds of total silence)… Ciaaaaao!

What you need:

• 1Kg snails
• 100g galletti, finely crumbed
• Loads of garlic, finely chopped
• Fresh cayenne chili
• 1 tbsp tomato concentrate
• 50g currants
• 6 bay leaves
• 0.75L red wine, preferably Gellewza
• ¼ cup extra virgin olive oil
• Sea salt

Put the snails in a sieve and cleanse by rubbing in sea salt. Rinse thoroughly. Don’t waste time now, the snails will come back to life and start running away for their lives. Heat your oil in a pot and chuck the snails in. Stir. Throw in the garlic and tomato concentrate and keep stirring until the snails start sweating. Include the galletti crumbs and stir vigorously. Add the wine, more salt, bay leaves and currants. Lower the heat and cover. Simmer for 90 minutes or until the snails slide out easily with a toothpick. While simmering, stir from time to time, keeping an eye on the liquids. Add water if pot starts drying up.