Every time I leave my house I find myself asking the same question; “What is the fascination Maltese women have with getting their nails done?” I don’t mean just a quick buff and polish. I mean the full-on, three-inch-long, bejewelled and retractable talons that are de rigeur among Maltese women. A girl at the supermarket checkout has mini diamonds on hers; they tap clickety-click on the cash register. A woman buying vegetables from the hawker has red glossy claws, dripping with emulsion; she pinches each piece of fruit before selecting it and I wonder how she manages not to impale everything she touches on the end of her fingers. A young mother tends to her baby; her long nails swipe the air dangerously close to the infant’s eyes.

It’s revolting quite frankly. Don’t these women know that nails are essentially made up of several layers of dead, flattened cells? How disgusting is that? I’ve got all these dead, flattened cells stuck on the end of all my fingers and toes; should I just keep them short clean and functional? No way; it’d be much more attractive to draw attention to them by growing them as long as possible, covering them in layers of gloss and hanging a mini chandelier on each one. Now that’s what I call classy.

Me Am Chic this weekend at the MFCC promises everything a woman could want under one roof. We go along, my lady friends and I, expecting to see nothing but nail salons. But we see jewellery displays and chocolate shops, cigarette stalls and mop exhibits, pushchairs demonstrations and beauty care lessons. We stroll past Nutrition Empire’s stall and we’re offered a taste of a protein shake. At an Eve Taylor stand a woman dips an applicator into a lit candle and rubs some wax into our hands. At the Power Plate stand, we get to try out their magical vibrating exercise machine. We browse through some pretty dresses.

Transforma have taken over a huge area in the middle of the convention centre. Their display is a dazzling white array of leaflets and information sheets on all sorts of beauty treatments from laser hair removal and chemical peels to lip augmentations and dermal fillers.

We have a nice time, my lady friends and I, milling around, fingering samples and browsing through leaflets. These are the things we are told to like; nail extensions, hair straighteners, chocolate-flavoured protein shakes, personal trainers and breast-pumps. A nice girl from NSI Nails talks us through the process of NSI Polish Pro; apparently it’s a revolutionary polish that dries in seconds and can withstand any amount of abuse. I’m not convinced; not converted. But none of those lovely Maltese women around me need convincing or converting – they’re slapping on the nail polish like they’re having an epiphany.

Me Am Chic Women’s Expo 2011 is on that the MFCC on the 8^th, 9^th and 10^th of April.

www.meamchic.com.mt