I love Sundays on Facebook. There is basically nothing to do but read papers, bake cakes and waste time so my facebook friends usually spend a few hours in the afternoon taking the piss.

This weekend the highlight were two competitions by The Westin Dragonara and The Plaza shopping centre. Both thought it would be a fabulous idea to ask people to send in their 'romantic' pictures. And people did.

We were regaled with people jumping off cliffs, licking what seemed to be cocaine off each others' boobs (on yet another cliff), really ugly and butch lesbo couples who then actually turned out to be a man and a woman, really ugly man and woman couples who looked like two gay men (one dressed like a Capone sidekick) and, in their majority, couples seriously snogging each other to porn standards. Some guys are alone in a case of ego gone haywire. Thank God that neither the Westin nor the Plaza asked for video ghax konna nghaxxquha.

In many cases the couple were so kuwl that they wanted to be as far away from each other as possible. Otherwise how do you explain this one? Caption: 'Ejja l-hawn' 'Madonna kif qazzizni jaqq ibezlaq'. Actually check the comments underneath the picture itself; what is that? An admission to a threesome? A very liberal relationship? 'Inhobbkommmmmmmmmm' and that heart thing which I can never do.

My favourites were those of a couple of cats licking each other (they stole my idea!) and this one by somebody who actually has a sense of humour. Please go in and 'like' it: laughter must triumph over the horror of pre-wedding pictures any time. If you don't, I'll send in mine: in it I'm naked. On a horse. And no, my prospective husband is nowhere to be seen. Xorta romuntik hafna.

The most hilarious captions are by Dolan Debattista. Click to read them.