Kulhadd jindahal ghax ma jafx jaghmel mod iehor
Why are we, as a nation, such defsiet asks Mona Farrugia? Can we not get on with our lives and let others get on with theirs? No we cannot. [Article is in English]
Kudos to Josanne Cassar of the Independent for starting the Moviment Tindahalx on Facebook. Within a few days she had almost 2,000 signing up. I was number 7 and I had no idea who it was that was behind it: I just felt that it was about bloody time somebody put it so simply: do not interfere.
Yet it seems that those who do spend all their lives imposing their personal views on others are winning. Yesterday Malta Today reported that when it comes to the Divorce Referendum (the capital letters are not a mistake: the issue has taken over the country) those who want to dictate how others live their lives and what choices they make are going to win. Year upon year, month upon month, Malta Today’s research is spot on: they have managed to predict every single voting issue in Malta. More kudos to the newspaper which ploughs money into this (research is expensive and not necessarily advertising-attracting) and to James Debono who manages this research.
Do you know why this is happening? It is because a huge bunch of young people who think that divorce is a civil right do not give a crap about making it happen in this country: they are not going to vote.
Every single person I know who is voting yes is only doing so because they do not feel that they should impose their views on others. They are not voting ‘yes’ because they want divorce for themselves. In fact, a good percentage of them have already been through separations and annullments themselves, are even very happily married or – and this is the one that the no camp really needs to understand – are extremely happy in their relationships and are about to get married like Illum editor Julia Farrugia. What is the Catholic church in Malta going to do? Call her church marriage off? They certainly have been bullying too many believers until now, including refusing to give basic Christian services to geriatrics in their homes, which simply makes me feel ill. What is this? An exchange of hosts for votes? I feel crazy even writing it but it seems that this is what we have come to.
I thought I had put it as succinctly as possible in ten points when I wrote ‘Why I am Voting Yes’. You agreed, making this article the most shared one ever on planetmona.com and possibly in the country. Josanne squeezed it into one word in Maltese – tindahalx: do not interfere.
This country has always been about interfering, though. Maybe because we are so small and there are way too many of us in so little space but we really cannot do our own thing and let others get on with theirs, can we? A Russian friend of mine once told me 'In Malta when you breathe people think you are stealing their air'. This has become my motto because it is so true. I will bet anything that every single person voting ‘no’ has somebody in their family, somebody close, who has been through an annulment or separation themselves.
I used to think that this counts for something. I used to think that people were kind, that they wouldn’t want to stop others from having something – the chance at a new life, basically, that was covered by law – even though they did not need that thing. But no. It is all about dogs in the manger: I do not need it, so I will stop everybody else from having it.
The situation right now is beyond belief and very dirty indeed. A friend from the UK said that all her Maltese friends were saying that they would be voting no because once divorce ‘entered’ (like some kind of disease from an exotic country) then abortion would soon follow. The non-sequiturs, including those about Christ not wanting IT, our Lady not wanting IT, the heavens and earth opening up and swallowing us and all that, may seem odd to us but absolutely acceptable to all the nos.
We thought it was crazy when the DJ said that he would think of divorcing his television-presenting wife if divorce were an option but many others don’t. They think it's true. The no camp's PR is winning because it is based on that one thing nobody can prove exists: the afterlife. It is easier to scare people with something that can happen rather than something that is happening every day, all around us and has been happening since the dawn of time: the break ups of relationships.
We can argue until we are all blue (and red) in the face but the reality is that a good bunch of those who think divorce is a ‘normal’ option in any country are simply not going to vote. This is why the nos are going to win. And they are.
‘I’m looking forward to seeing the fallout’ a recently-separated, waiting-to-start-the-ridiculous-annulment-procedure friend commented. I almost agreed until I realised that I am not looking forward to the fallout at all.
The main political parties have handled this in such a bad way that I cannot even stop to wonder where their management techniques are. One party doesn’t want it officially but half its MPs are separated or annulled, some more than once The other party wants it but has MPs who don’t and some of those are separated and annulled themselves. I cannot even stop to wonder what on earth is going on in these people’s heads but the words 'sanity' and 'lack of' spring to mind.
Somebody else posted a screen shot of the vile stuff some people – Christians of course: oh Lord if you were here now how shocked you would be at what people are still doing in your name – were saying to Geoffrey Pullicino Orlando, the guy who is relentlessly pursuing this. I tried to read through the post but I felt sick and about to throw up.
The thing is, I can distinguish between this and the rest of Pullicino Orlando's political views. Apparently others cannot. Not only that but somehow the whole issue, what to me was a simple civic and legal quagmire which needed to be sorted out, has ended up messed up with bonkers religious views, the catholic church, the main political parties and friendships.
We used to think that it was only general elections that ‘made’ close friends and even married couples fall out. It isn’t. Ahna ninidahlu: fejn jesghana u fejn ma jesghaniex. Nidhlu bejn il-basla u qoxritha u nibqghu b'rihitha. A couple we know getting divorced, breaking up in other words, may have nothing to do with us but we have damned well made it so.
Comments
Having a newborn baby has been a great distraction... I have had nothing of the whole divorce debate.
Firstly I agree with Kenneth: the referendum is totally unnecessary and unfair (since this is an issue which clearly effects a minority group in Malta).
Secondly I cannot understand why everyone is getting angry with the Church. The Church does not support divorce - so be it. This is not a referendum to change the Church's laws, so anything the Church has to say should just be disregarded... actually - ignored altogether.
Of course my latter point is exactly the reason why there should not have been a referendum about divorce. This country is not mature enough to make a distinction between state and church laws.
So yes Walter - the issue is completely boring because Kenneth is right - the issue will not be settled for another decade.
I did read quite a bit of Derek's blog. His last post is heartbreaking, touching and uplifting at the same time. His deadpan humour during what must have been a monumentally sad and painful time for him and his family is inspiring. But you know what? Nowhere does he ever mention God or religion. Look at the comments in his last post. Look at all the God people descending on him like vultures. Nies defsa, as you so aptly put it. They cannot bear the fact that many people can actually live a happy life, get married, have great kids, and still do not have any religious views, or, if they do, they don't feel any need to impose them on others. So many peple get divorced, remarry, and live exceptionally happy lives...yet others believe that that should not be their right. Live and let live. Tindahalx.
@Lex
Your comment is well thought out but odd in places.
"the Church has been careful in trying to keep out of this issue publicly but keeps getting drawn in by both camps". Are we talking about the same Catholic church/Kurja in Malta? It has taken an extremely active stance in what is a civil issue. We cannot be an 'ebete' and pretend we have not heard and seen priests not giving absolution, priests doing door-to-door, priests being instructed about what to say during mass, priests OBJECTING to having to do this by their own bosses, the church issuing diktats during Duluri...The list, at this point, is practically endless.
I do not see Adrian's comment as that from a hater at all. Like you, he is a regular commenter on planetmona and, believe it or not, he is actually a believer. I do not see hate: I see frustration and the cry of a Catholic person trying to live his own life, to get on with his civic life and to not mix law with religion.
Isn't that a little like what people try to do in countries that 'shock' us with Sharia law? Iran? Bahrain? Why is it so 'easy' for us to see a lack of civil rights in Muslim countries but fail to see the same thing in Malta, which has a 95% baptism rate (as opposed to 95% practising catholics).
Although you may be a thinking person, you also need to consider that this argument is being fought through fear and scaremongering and most of that scaremongering is coming from an 'afterlife' argument.
@Adrian
Go read penmachine.com. Then you'll see what Walter is talking about.
@Walter
Read Lionel Shriver's 'So Much for That'. You will love it. And you may go live in Pemba too :) God knows I wanted to about ten pages in :))
@ Walter
boring for you maybe. Go and tell that to whoever is caught in the middle of it. If you are happy cooking lobsters, others aren't in a happy situation at all.
@ Lex
I hate what the Church is doing. I don't hate religion. If you think the priest/old woman episode was an isolated one you are so very wrong. Many choose not to speak out. And to say the church is being careful not to be drawn into it publicly is not borne out with facts. Aren't the fiery speeches during mass a public thing? Isn't filling my mailbox with crucifix kissing confessions and lies that divorce will bring abortion a public intrusion into the debate? Isn't a bishop threathening grave consequences for whover votes yes a public endorsement of their position? Isn't a letter telling me that if I vote for divorce it means I don't give a toss about my family and my children an inadmissable attack on my personal life? Come on...
This referendum, even though it will not succeed in introducing divorce, will at least have exposed once again the realities of the political and religious classes in this country. Either we stay at home, play bored and proclaim our aloofness, or else go out there and at least make your point. Sitting at home and singing how beautiful life is means you are neither here nor there.
Boring.
On the radio, on the telly, in the papers, in the streets, at the work-place, in the confessional and on planetmona you only hear about divorce. Boring
Whats the biggie about all of this ?
Just go and vote, either yes, either no, or scribble some obscene words on the voting document, or just dont go and vote.
What a nation of lobster brains.
If somebody here is fed up like me reading obout divorce and would like to read how beautiful life is and how lucky we are to be on this earth in this very instant, visit this web site www.penmachine.com
Totally agree with Kenneth.
One doesn't put minority rights on a plate for referendum as well. As I see it now, the referendum is no longer solely about divorce issues but also about a fanatical, anti Church pro divorce group who come out as haters (see comment by Adrian) and the militant reactions this produces on the other side and vice versa. Because of this some people feel somewhat threatened and do not want to partake in this gamut.
As I see it the Church has been careful in trying to keep out of this issue publicly but keeps getting drawn in by both camps. Trying to generalize (and capitalize on) a whole camp in bad light ad nauseum just for a single incident (priest vs old woman)in the media will only help to fossilize opinions and stir emotions which have nothing to do with divorce issues. Common sense and an open mind will become the main losers at the end.
excellent article Mona..and yes, so so sadly many Maltese are exactly as you describe...a vindictive egoistic bunch of religious bigots who would rather die of hunger rather than have to share their food. I hate this country sometimes.
Kenneth, I don't agree. SO many votes are going to be lost because of apathy or aloofness that the No will comfortably win. This is not about divorce anymore, it is about standing up and telling the Church to shove off and stop trying to run this country and our lives. Enough with priests threatening old women, enough with 22 year old condescending prats telling us what kind of life we should lead, enough with disastrous ministers hiding behind various saints and madonnas to try and distract people's attention from the incompetent mess they are creating. ENOUGH!
I agree with many points in this article however I have never made a secret of the fact that I was completly against the referendum in principle and will not be part to it by voting
I did not agree from Day ONE with the way the Private Members Bill was put forward.You can look up my opinion column at the time and verify that I had said that because of the actions of a maverick and discredited MP, the divorce issue will not be settled for another decade.
The campaigns of both the IVA and the LE factions are puerile and ill conceived; the billboards being a case in point
Even were I not going to be in Paris at the time exhibiting my work there I would not be party to this circus of unfunny clowns anyway!
