Why some men have such a small penis (and newspapers publish tripe)
Mona Farrugia struggles to undo the huge padlock The Writer has left her locked in to write to Mister George Zammit tat tajms
Dear Mr. George Zammit Esq
I bet you like that Esq. don't you? Respectful isn't it?
I'm sorry it took me so long to respond to you. I tried to hurry but I got tangled in the chain with which I'm attached to the kitchen sink, our lovely mejjilla. Before he left for his Big Important Worky The Writer forgot to unlock the padlock. So I'm typing this with my toes.
Everything you say is true. Everything. This country has gone to the dogs (quite literally sometimes - we love to indulge in a bit of dog killing here and there although I am positive, positive I tell you that all these men and boys killing dogs must have had working mothers. Well, at least I hope they had mothers).
So, between preparing a fresh batch of cupcakes for my esteemed husband (using just one hand - the other one is padlocked to the oven) and scrubbing the floor with my free four toes, here are my apologies.
I apologise on behalf of my (working! now retired!) mother for sending me to school and making sure I got a really good education. I apologise on behalf of my father who worked all the hours God gave him to make sure that both my brother and myself always paid our school fees. I apologise on behalf of both our maternal and paternal grandmothers because they both worked. The shame, the shame: my paternal grandmother actually had the temerity to set up the family business. Temerity! What words. Sorry for using them. I therefore apologise on behalf of the nuns who tried (desperately) to stop me from reading so many books (especially Adrian Mole) and learning language like that.
Ah...Adrian Mole and his three and a half inches. In my warped (warped! wassat?) view, every single man who needs to keep women under his thumb, doing what he wants, has to have a Very Small Penis. I am not implying, of course, that you do. Yours must be huge since you are so tough with your wife, the woman who trained to become a teacher but had to then resign immediately when you got married. Do you let her read Mr. George? I wouldn't you know? Not even Mills & Boon. That stuff messes with your head and makes you want to be independent and things.
You are right about governments wanting women to work and here I have taken my tongue out of my cheek (TW tried to pin that to the top of my mouth but has not managed yet - maybe you have a couple of ideas?). Of course they do: it's all very economically comfortable although it does freak them out a little with all the childcare and stuff they have to take care of then.
Do you have children? Considering that you 'made' your wife stay at home and take care of them I hope they weren't the phantom version. You must be what, anything between sixty and seventy, right? Which means your children are in their forties? I'd love to meet them. If they have inherited your thinking and reasoning, on the other hand, maybe I don't.
I'd also love to meet the person at The Times who thought that yours would be a brilliant 'letter' to publish. Considering it's the silly season and between three million resignations from the Sliema council, the hounding of politicians, the non-hounding of others, the papers really have nothing to print. Plus their staff are trying to take some well-deserved leave. Last I heard, The Times even had women working for it. Disgusting! No women editors though, thank goodness. I can't imagine what the paper would come to if they did.
I'm going to leave you now Mr. George dear. I'll soon send you an e-mail with some instructions asking you how I can transfer 3,000,000 dollars which my late husband left me and which I am trying to share around the world.
All those who say that you have issues, you have mistreated your wife, you are an embarrassment to this country or even ask you if you have sent your letter to the right planet: don't take any notice! They're all married women: l-anqas jisthu. Ghidilhom l-Isqfijiet! Although I wouldn't worry too much if I were you: considering how they behaved when the divorce issue was going on, they will do you proud.
Yours in chains,
Mona
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George Zammit, Mosta
Reasons why marriage is on the rocks
Recently I read that the Bishops of Malta were due to issue a pastoral letter before or after the law on divorce comes into effect. How courageous.
Politicians, including our Prime Minister, have been advocating that women go out to work.
Does the Prime Minister not know that marriage in Malta started to get into trouble when women were encouraged to go out to work in factories in the 1950s? I got married in 1960 and my wife was a trained teacher and she knew that as soon as we got married she would be thrown out of her job. In any case, I would not have allowed her to work since I am against married women working. I believed, and still do, that the woman’s place is in the home looking after her children.
At present there is an advertising campaign, sponsored by the EU, which goes something like this: “Dora has three children and she is a full-time teacher. In order to cope she needs help from all her family”. Of course, from her parents, her husband’s parents, her sisters, her aunts etc.
And for what? So that she will pay an NI contribution and the Minister of Finance would have more money to play with and perhaps increase his salary once again. Do not think that the politicians are in favour of women working for some noble reason – far from it.
When women went out to work the family structure was disrupted once and for all. There is no way that life goes back to the good old days when children went home from school to their mother. Children these days go to an empty home to watch TV or “play” on their PC while their mother is at work.
Another reason why marriages are on the rocks is the University.
Once women go to university and graduate their prime target is their career not the family.
Once they get married, graduated women lead a very independent life and their marriage is one of convenience.
The latest nail in the coffin of marriage is the “separation of acquests” as opposed to “the community of acquests”.
What this means is that the husband and wife lead a separate life and there is simply nothing to bind them together.
In the past 60 years I have never heard the church leaders – the bishops – condemning the campaign encouraging women to go to work.
They are now going to issue a pastoral letter – wow.
Comments
Typical Mona-ESQue irony at its best!
Ban females from University I say!! lol what a loser!
If you're going to use 'Esquire' I'd eschew 'Mr.'...
As our Royal house would have it; "British men invited to Buckingham Palace receive their invitations in an envelope with the suffix Esq. after their names while men of foreign nationalities instead have the prefix Mr." do with that what you will!
Clearly Mr Zammit is an anacronism, but he may well be hung like a horse. Insults to a man's masculinity are petty and should be beneath you, I reckon.
Yeah, we would have been better if we were only womb between ears. Why do women need to have their delicate and feeble brains overloaded with useless information by going to university?
Ugh...I'm sorry, I can't write because I'll say exactly what I think and then have the 'barranija' card thrown in (you know, the type 'if you don't like it, feel free to go where you came from').
Medieval architecture=super cool; medieval mentality in 2011=nothing to be proud of!
Did Mr Zammit come out of a time machine from the past?
LOL - tal misthijja!
looooooooooooooooool
